Aug
27
2010

Please Don't Play Me

I'm Not A Conspiracy Theorist, But...

Friday, August 27, 2010 - 05:38:30 PM
(Posted Under: The No Chocolate Cake File)
It's incredible how similar to Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers this whole Gin Blossoms turning to shit thing is. To that end, I've just had a moment that felt just like when I heard Mexicosis for the first time.

Someone clued me into the Gin Blossoms releasing an exclusive bonus track for No Chocolate Cake for pre orders on iTunes. An unprecedented move by this band, to the point that it's almost impressive. Of course, it was presented to me as an "all time low". Something that is hard to believe, that this band has any all time lows left in them. But indeed it is that - and more.

Giving the track a listen was exactly like listening to Mexicosis for the first time. The first (musically anyway) sign that Roger Clyne had absolutely lost the plot. But kinda with a bit more of a punch to the guts. Both instances should have been about the same, but despite the writing being on the wall with the Gin Blossoms, hearing Robin Wilson singing this was definitely harder to take than any part of watching the Roger DeClyne into the garbage can was.

My immediate thought was "are you serious?". The song, titled Please Don't Ask Me (obviously written by Johnson, and given the Gin Blossoms gayness treatment, to a incredibly larger extent than any of his songs have suffered in the past) may just be the worst thing I've ever heard to come out the Gin Blossoms camp, surpassing anything else on the record in this sense. And that's an impressive feat, given the likes of Don't Change For Me, I'm Ready and If You'll Be Mine. Again, are you fucking serious? But maybe that's it. Maybe they're not. It's been well established that this album is a complete joke. But y'know, what I hadn't considered until hearing this "song", is that maybe that's exactly what the album is supposed to be. An inside joke.

Let's face it, no one in this band, aside from Robin, is beyond this. And we know how bothered somebody was by Major Valenzuela Victory. What would be the ultimate "fuck you" to all of the freak shows out there? Release the worst album that you can possibly put out, and sit back and laugh at them as they all buy it, fall over themselves to praise all the specially crafted bogus songs, all oblivious to the inside joke. When you don't actually like your fans anyway, it's brilliant. And hell, if it sells just as much as a real album would sell anyway, where is the downside of it? Especially when you've frittered away all of your credibility and flushed your career down the toilet anyway.

Sure, it's a conspiracy theory, but is it really that far fetched? Truth is often stranger than fiction. An album title that really should offend the majority of your fan base, an album cover that is as offensive as it is horrible to comic proportions, a bunch of songs that the majority of which sound like they've specifically been written to be laughable, co-writing with all the players that made people turn on you in the first place (with some other worse examples thrown in this time for good measure) and particularly candy ass production. All the pieces are in place. The only missing part of the puzzle is how you get Robin Wilson on board with such an elaborate plan to fuck with things. I don't know, maybe only the perpetrator is privy to the inside joke and everyone else is merely a pawn in the game to fuck with things.

Now, maybe I'm wrong on this, and I'm fine with that. I've never been one to live by conspiracy theories, and I'm not married to this one any more than the idea that Elvis might serve me at Circle K. But there is no question either way that this album is a complete joke. And either way, the No Chocolate Cake File still stands and is heading to the same conclusion. Though I will admit, if it all is an inside joke - a last attempt to fuck with things before dissolving for good, it's has a smidge of cred. Not enough to justify marring the Gin Blossoms legacy, nor change the outcome of where I'm heading, nor my disgust. But compared to the alternative (that it isn't an inside joke), it does at least have some element of old school Gin Blossoms sneer, even if the execution of it really has absolutely none.

It might sound ridiculous - but it's not like there is much about this album that doesn't sound ridiculous.

Anyways, my disillusionment is spiraling further downwards faster than the Titanic. At this rate it's going to be hard not to close the No Chocolate Cake earlier than even I expected. God, this song is absolutely comically bad. I'd love to see the co-write credits on this song, though I think I have a fair idea where they might lay.

For most bands, this "hidden track" would be hidden in the closest, not at the end of a record where someone might actually hear it. It really should be ripped apart like a stray bird in a lions cage. But watch the kool-aid drinkers lap it up. I mean, after all these years the band has finally thrown them a bone, they get a bonus track!!! Weeeeeeee!

Have fun kiddies!

Shouts out to my peeps who I stole this blog title from. Sorry, it was just too good not to use it. [smile]
Now Playing: Green Day - Know Your Enemy

Comments

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kevin tucker says on
Friday, August 27, 2010 - 06:17:29 PM

Maybe you just have bad taste? And the band and all of us Gins fans have good taste. Or maybe you and the Gins have just grown apart, musically. As you seem to wish they were still a bar band hacking away at the Tempe scene and having their songs reflect that.



Anyhoo, as for the track, I'm not expecting anything from Scott to reinvent the wheel, obviously. But I'm sure it's a nice little number. Of course, I can't possibly give a real opinion on a song until I've heard more than 10 seconds of it. Because that would be insane.

While we are on conspiracy theories: Glad to see you are still posting under Collider11 at GBfan.net. Also like how you apologized to yourself for stealing the blog title from yourself. Nice try.
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Mark says on
Friday, August 27, 2010 - 06:42:41 PM

Wow, yeah...umm...I've really been pwned.

You're right Kevin, I'm Collider11. I'm actually everyone on that board that has said anything negative about the band. Wait for it, I'm actually everyone that has ever said anything bad about them since the moment they canned Doug Hopkins.

Of all the places you could go with this, this is the best you could come up with? That I am Collider11? I don't expect that much in terms of come backs from you, but this is an all time low in lameness. And you had so much there to work with. Sad.

To the real Collider11, IMO I don't think you should reveal yourself for my sake. It will really put how much this guy knows into perspective having him continue to believe I am you on the board. Funny shit. [lol] Please have some fun with it over there on my behalf.

For something that was just to express my immense disappointment in the band, this has really turned into something. [lol] [lol]
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Kevin Tucker says on
Friday, August 27, 2010 - 07:02:07 PM

Sweet. All time low comeback and all time low song all in one blog.

Of course you're the not same person. But my conspiracy theory isn't nearly as insane as yours. Don't you think it's strange that NOBODY else (outside of Collider, of course) holds your extreme view on the current state of the Gins. Maybe it's you.


Anyway, I can't wait to hear Please Don't Ask Me. That 10 second preview really has me curious about the track!
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kevin tucker says on
Friday, August 27, 2010 - 07:09:08 PM

BTW, love the fact that there is a bonus track. Hope more songs surface!
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iakristin says on
Saturday, August 28, 2010 - 07:55:10 AM

Thanks for speaking for ALL gin blossoms fan. hate to say it, but there are plenty of fans out there that have opinions and not all of them believe in a Euphoria. We just don't it out like Mark does. I am really Mark, btw. Posting as some girl named Kristin.
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Mark says on
Saturday, August 28, 2010 - 08:12:37 AM

Truth be told, I am the GB Webmaster. This is all a plot to bring the band down from the inside.

Believe it or not, I'm also Kevin Tucker. There is nothing I love more than arguing with myself.
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kevin tucker says on
Saturday, August 28, 2010 - 08:25:36 AM

Kristin. I assume that on a GB forum people will actually speak their mind. Why hold back? If others do feel like Mark (the Gins made this album as a joke on the fans or whatever..or they are just a really bad band), why not say so.

I certainly would.

And no, Mark, you are not me. Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you! Even I, sick a depraved, a traveler to the grave, I would never be you!

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kevin tucker says on
Saturday, August 28, 2010 - 08:27:03 AM

Still like the site though, old top [smile]
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William says on
Saturday, August 28, 2010 - 09:55:47 AM

I (Will/Collider11) am he (Mark)as you (Kev) are he (Mark) as you (Kev)are me (GB Webmaster/Kristin) and we are all together.

Apologies to John, Paul, and all of my other personalities and aliases.
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Kevin Tucker says on
Saturday, August 28, 2010 - 10:56:39 AM

Alright, Mark, you have sufficiently bored me. Your wild theories about sabotaging albums to have a laugh, Jesse roughing up band members to force them to do his bidding, etc. have worn me down.

I will leave you to whinge about how awful the Gin Blossoms are. Do you also go to restaurants you hate over and over just so you can pretend to be disappointed and complain about it?



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Mark says on
Sunday, August 29, 2010 - 01:41:53 PM

@Kevin Tucker

Err, yeah. Collider11 and I are the only people that think the material on this album is a joke. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Your own insecurity about it is pretty obvious each time you posted "Excellent" to every single thread on gbfan.net. And 10 fold when you followed me, someone who "has bad taste in music", to my personal blog, to continue over compensated praise for everything Gin Blossoms. Say it's "great" enough, and it's got to be true, right? Make ridiculous claims that it's better than The Beatle's Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Band, and surely it'll hide your own insecurities that you're not going to like the album.

For the only person in the world that thinks this album is a joke, and someone with bad taste, the fact that I don't like this record certainly has seemed to captivated you to an impressive extent.
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Mark says on
Sunday, August 29, 2010 - 01:42:29 PM

@Kevin Tucker

Yes, I've bored you, and you're going to leave me to whine. Despite the fact that I hear that you're still talking about me on gbfan.net and that you said you were leaving days ago, only to return and continue posting on this entry. And since your latest announcement that I'm boring you, you have been back over 8 times in the past 24 hours. Surely that's gotta make me a pretty interesting guy, for someone who is boring you! [wink]

But I'm sure you really mean it this time. It must be just old habits dying hard. I'm sure that your obsession with my thoughts on the current day Gin Blossoms, which is proving to rival your obsessive man love for Jesse Valenzuela, is over. I'm sure you're not even going to see this, because I have just bored you so much. And you certainly aren't going to have to return to get the last word in. I'm glad that you are able to get past your unhealthy obsession.

Of course, I can't help but conclude from this, that it's cool for us to call you out on it if you keep posting here on further blog entries on the subject. Coolio.

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