Oct
14
2010

What Is This, A Nuclear Reactor?

Saftey Instructions For "The Perfect Brownie™ Pan Set"

(Add / View Comments) (0)Thursday, October 14, 2010 - 01:05:04 pm
(Posted Under: Amusements)
So I needed to see if this puppy was dishwasher safe. And it is. But there was no lack of amusement for me reading the first page of the manual to determine whether it was or not.

In case you're not familiar with the "As Seen On TV" Perfect Brownie™ Pan Set, it is literally a pan, some dividers, and a stand. It's sweet, KJ needed to have it and it makes great brownies, but it actually is nothing more than a baking pan.

But you would never guess that from the important safety instructions on the first page of the manual. Here are the excepts from the ones I find quite amusing. Warnings about avoiding burning yourself are excluded, because they seem reasonable to me.

IMPORTANT: Do Not Use The Perfect Brownie™ Pan Set Before Reading the Following:

Whoah, sounds scary! I've never read instructions for any electrical device I've ever purchased, regardless of how complex, but it really sounds like I should read these!

1. Read everything contained in this manual.

Wow, the first instruction is re-enforcing the importance of reading everything in this manual. This sounds even more scary. Let it be said, that aside from this page, the table of contents and half a page on "How to use your The Perfect Brownie™ Pan Set", the "manual" is actually a recipe book. [wink] I probably should read the pages and pages of brownie recipes though, just to be safe!

4. If any part of the Perfect Brownie™ pan set appeared to be damaged or malfunctioning discontinue use immediately.

Roger Wilco! But since this pan set is devoid of any electronics, or hell, even moving parts, how exactly can this "malfunction"? I didn't know that a pan could malfunction!

5. When using the pan set do not use kitchen utensils that may cause personal injury or damage to the surface of the system. This will void the warranty.

The voiding warranty part makes perfect sense. But "damage to the surface of the system"? By "system", you mean this pan, right? And don't use kitchen utensils that may cause personal injury? Fine advice, but is it limited to working with this pan? I would have thought that would have been advice to live by whenever in the kitchen.

6. Do not allow children to use this product without supervision.

CAUTION: DO NOT LEAVE UNATTENDED OR ALLOW CHILDREN TO USE THIS PAN SET WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION

Admittedly, it's conceivable that a kid could take their eye out with the edges of the brownie divider, if they tried hard enough. But beyond that, the biggest fear you could have by leaving children unattended around this pan would be to come back and find they've devoured the brownie mix. It's hardly a grenade! But you'd hardly think so from these safety instructions.

Incidentally, we've had this sitting on the counter for close to a week (with a diminishing number of brownies) COMPLETELY UNATTENDED for most of that time!! Shit, I didn't realize that we've been living on the edge like this! I'll be more careful next time we make brownies, I promise! [lol]

My amusement with this probably is a cultural thing. Y'know, having come from one that isn't lawsuit trigger happy to, well, one that is. [smile]
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